Life is crazy. You can plan and dream and hope all you want for things to go a certain way, but no amount of planning, dreaming and hoping will prepare you for the turns life gives you. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be where I am at right now. I am turning 29, I have a 14 month old, I am living with my parents (which I am extremely thankful I even have the option to do so), I am unemployed and I am going through a divorce. This is not the picture of "happily ever after" that I have painted in my head. Although it's hard to accept certain things and move on, that's what I'm doing. I cannot change what doesn't want to be changed. I cannot make anyone else happy if they don't want to smile. I cannot allow myself to be affected in a negative way. As much as I would love to crawl under my covers and sleep this all away, that wouldn't make it better. I am glad that I can say with 100% certainty that I tried. I gave it my all. I can look back and not wonder "what if?". I can look forward and say "now I know". I look at it as this is the hand I've been dealt and now I have to make the best of it. Some days it's hard to smile, but I do. I have to for Ryiah at least! She make it much easier, though. She is the most amazing, precious, little thing in my life. I couldn't have been blessed with a more perfect angel. She fills any void I might be feeling at the time. She truly lights me up. I'm grateful to be her mother and to have had the opportunity, thus far, to be able to be at home with her. I love teaching her new things and watching her face glow when she understands. I love watching every expression her little face makes when she is discovering new things. I love to hear her squeaky little voice attempt to say everything I ask her to, (her newest word today is strawberry). She's not the most cuddly baby, so when she comes and puts her head on my chest and loves on me for a second and a half, I cherish that second and a half like no other.
Well, who knows where my life will lead me next. In the end, as long as I have Ryiah and she and I are both healthy and together, I can go anywhere and do anything.
6 People Who care:
Oh Nicole, I am so sorry you are going thru all this! You have such a positive attitude, and you are so much fun to be around. Ryiah is lucky to have such a wonderful mommy. Hang in there girl! You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Love ya girl!
Nicole- I had no idea on the turn in your life. You're right... keep your head up and things will only get better. Your heart is hurting and that little girl is your saving grace- keep holding on to her and you'll look baçk on this soon with a mended heart. I'm praying for you and Ryiah!!
Hugs.
Love you!!!
I just have to say you are seriously one of the most amazing women I know. You are such a positive influence in Ryiah's life. She is just as lucky to have you as you are to have her. You deserve nothing but the best girl. You are an amazing person and beautiful inside and out. I love ya girlie!! I just wanted you to know that. I know I"m so far away, but you know if you EVER need anything I will do my dangest to help!
Thanks, girls! I love all of you for the sweet comments! Well, I love all of you even without the comments! ;)
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